I was a Teenage Teenager

When you are old, you take for granted that others know what you are discussing. This is, of course, not correct. When I make a joke in the office about Gidget and get blank stares, I know I've crossed that line. Last week, I recapped the entire plot of the movie Where the Boys Are after I found that nobody had seen it. I won't go into depth here. It's not an like the Bourne Identity with multiple plot twists and turns. A group of college coeds go to Fort Lauderdale for spring beak. They share a motel room. The see lots of half naked boys. They sit on the beach that is clearly in a sound stage. Paula Prentiss is the tall girl. She says, "Do you still find me strangely attractive?" This is a good line on any date. Connie Francis sings the theme song "Where the Boys Are." George Hamilton is the super tan rich playboy. Yvette Mimieux is the naive youngest girl. There are good tips for clothing such as Jim Hutton's very cool straw hat.

The one plot twist that made no sense to me was Yvette Mimieux's bad date. She goes out one night with a boy we know is not chivalrous. I think he has sex with her, but he may have just tried kissing her. The film is rather vague here. Nothing violent has occurred. Something has happened, however. The episode leaves Mimieux in a hospital bed catatonic. We are left to imagine that her date is so bad or remarkable at love-making that she is left senseless. Or she has a horrible secret, such as disgusting full body Wolverine scars, that are discovered and that leaves her senseless. Or she has had plain old teenage sex.

The activities are unclear, but the message to all young people is clear: if you are a woman and have relations with a boy you will end up catatonic in a hospital. If you are a boy who has relations with a young lady you will be forced to flee town in shame after she becomes catatonic. For any teens reading this post, I assure you, this is true.