What a Pig!
When I have really bad days, I consider Plan B. If all else fails, I can move into a trailer in the desert and collect rocks. Alternatively, I could follow the path of the "Pig Dude."
If you drive from Los Angeles to San Francisco along Interstate 5, you will pass Harris Ranch. This is a good place to stop for gas, buy sodas, or have lunch. Across the highway from Harris Ranch is a McDonald's. Behind the McDonald's at the edge of the desert is the "Pig Dude." That's what we call him, I don't know his actual name. He lives in a trailer sitting behind rows and rows of garden ceramic figurines. They are all neatly lined up according to theme. There is a religious section, a woodland creature section, the ethnically offensive section, and the pigs. You can buy a farmer pig, or a farmer's wife pig, even a police officer pig. The police one is probably a bad idea, and I put that in the "offensive" category.
I bought the farmer's wife. She has a cute dress and happy little hooves. Now she serves as our greeter by the front door. She scares some people and delights others. My grandfather always told me that "the fat hog gets slaughtered first" as a warning against being greedy. Our greeter pig reminds me of this every day.