There is groovy hair, such as Julie Christie in Shampoo, then there is groovier hair, Angie Dickinson in Police Woman. She is the hippest police detective ever. Since it was 1974, Police Woman was required to have “Woman” in the title. “Police” just sounded dull. There was no spin-off, “Police Man” as in the Six Million Dollar Man and the Bionic Woman. If there had been, it would probably be Barnaby Jones. Buddy Ebsen at 95 was far less active, however, than Angie Dickinson.

The lesson here is this: add “Woman” to any show title, Six Feet Under a Woman, Star Trek Woman, Love Boat Woman, Lost Woman. It makes a more interesting concept. And, when you only have live action footage to work with when creating a title sequence, use freeze frames, fast zoom shots, and details of things like legs.

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We’ve been down this path before. On a previous post, I discussed the reasons why Hawaii 5-0 kicked Magnum P.I.’s ass. You won’t see that on DesignObserver. Now, we face the issue of the classic Hawaii 5-0 and the new Hawaii 5-0. The old 5-0 had a better title sequence, but was basically Adam-12 in Hawaii. It was the show you watched when you stayed at your grandparents’ house, and they never changed the channel away from CBS. The new 5-0 has a title sequence that’s more ‘techno” and action packed, but lacks the finesse of the old one. The new 5-0, however, is more exciting. Or perhaps I’m now old, like my grandparents and don’t get out often.

The only thing I can’t understand is why the governor of Hawaii seems to operate like the chief of police. It seems that the governor is trampling on the police force’s territory. I’d be concerned that she was not paying attention to legislative issues, but sitting by the police radio listening for some action. It also seems to send the message that you will immediately be caught in cross-fire or kidnapped if you’re a tourist in Honolulu.

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As an elderly shut-in, I never stay up late enough to watch Saturday Night Live. When I stay at my grandparents’ house, the only thing to watch is old VHS cassettes of The Lawrence Welk Show. Noreen showed me a wonderful combination of the two today that needed to be shared. If only my grandparents were still alive, we could switch their tapes with these.

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One of the worst aspects of Tivo is that you don’t have it when you travel. I hate sitting in a hotel room, missing what someone said, and I can’t go back. And I’m forced to watch whatever is on the 15 stations they receive. It seems that CSI is on most of the channels all the time. Sitting in a hotel room on my last trip, I found myself mesmerized by The Lawrence Welk Show. Now you know I have some Lawrence Welk records which are very relaxing, but, even as wholesome as I am, I can’t really watch it. But the colors are miraculous. Originally, this post was going to be about just that, the color palette on The Lawrence Welk Show.

In my research, however, I discovered three video clips that needed to be seen by all. The Love Boat theme dance number is something you will never get out of your head. Tokin’, really? Did they know they were promoting marijuana usage? And the Velvet Underground does make for a nice change of pace.

I can take cute, or sweet, or even saccharine, but this goes over that line. This seems to be the result of entertainers after a Frances Farmer lobotomy. It’s all so nice and measured. Somebody backstage must have snapped at some point. I like to imagine a plastic fork from the craft services table being shaped into a prison shiv, and then the brutal attack like a scene from Oz. This is the only way to watch The Lawrence Welk Show without believing that it is the evidence that Satan has returned and is disguised.

One of the shivs found backstage

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Every once in awhile, I’ll mention the children’s show, Lidsville, which ran from 1971-1973. I’ve never met anyone who remembers it. When I describe it, they look at me like I’m high. Lidsville was a Sid and Mary Krofft show, joining the reality based H.R. Pufnstuf, and The Bugaloos. The plot involved a teenager who wanders into a giant hat (yes, it’s odd) and falls into a land filled with living hats. The hat people also lived in hats. Too add to the bizarre story, Charles Nelson Reilly was the villain — not Charles Nelson Reilly the person, but the character he played. I think Lidsville was slang for the marijuana term “lid.” Why this was aimed at pre-teens is beyond me.

I recall watching Lidsville, very concerned that the main character, Mark, wouldn’t get home. I didn’t question the symbolism or meaning of the hat world. It seemed perfectly sane. In the end Mark didn’t escape Lidsville and return to the normal world. I thought about this quite a bit growing up. It was like Gilligan’s Island before they were rescued in the tragic sequels. These loose ends, these lost souls, damaged my generation and caused severe emotional trauma.

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