George Tscherny, JC Penney Annual Report cover, 1970

Originally, I planned to do this post about modernism done well, and modernism done badly. For example, the Barcelona Pavilion by Mies van der Rohe is done well. A black box office building on Ventura Boulevard is not so good. The JC Penney annual report for 1970 is a great example of beautiful and precise modernism. George Tscherny’s design is crisp and clean. The Helvetica is elegant. This is what a Swiss grid and Helvetica can be in the hands of a master. This is, obviously, the intent for the current JC Penney Helvetica style.

But, while doing research for this post, I came across the website, www.wishbookweb.com. It’s a treasure trove of shopping catalogues. The 1970 JC Penney Christmas catalogue has nothing to do with the annual report beside the date. It’s a remarkable time capsule. The clothes are, of course, funny. It’s the odd subtext of the pages that make it such a pleasure. In the spirit of full disclosure, I did see some plaid shirts that I wanted to buy. But you cannot call 1970. Nobody answers, and there were no answering machines.

George Tscherny, JC Penney Annual Report spread, 1970

George Tscherny, JC Penney Annual Report spread, 1970

George Tscherny, JC Penney Annual Report spread, 1970

George Tscherny, JC Penney Annual Report spread, 1970

And now, from high modernism to nifty hats and big pockets on the front of pants.

JC Penney Christmas catalogue 1970

I don’t think anyone looks good in His n’ Hers styles. Couples should not match unless they are in a groovy band like Kids of the Kingdom.

JC Penney Christmas catalogue 1970

This is further proof that matching outfits are wrong. And these simply look illicit.

There is an odd prevalence of men holding women on the ground in this book. It’s quite submissive and frankly disturbing. I believe the women should be allowed to stand, especially if forced to wear department store headbands. Even I know that’s uncool.

JC Penney Christmas catalogue, 1970

Am I wrong or is this a page of “swingers”? And I don’t mean the dancing to swing music people. These are the people who live down the block and invite you to a “key” party. Don’t go. It will end badly.

JC Penney Christmas catalogue, 1970

JC Penney Christmas catalogue, 1970

JC Penney Christmas catalogue, 1970

What can be said? First, these are bathmats with holes cut for sleeves. Second, these vests scream, “beat me up! Please!” A nun would cross the street to beat up these kids.

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These are not hip. This makes you a raging fool.

Every 20 years or so, I come back into fashion. I consider my style to be classic, which allows me to buy the same items year after year regardless of current trends. Typically, if I like something, I’ll buy several. I don’t want to be stuck if khakis change and become more “European”. Recently, I’ve seen some articles about the return of “Preppy”. Some may argue, but I’m not preppy, I think I’m just stuck in 1962.

This leads me to some of the atrocities I’ve seen made in the name of “Preppy”. Today, I’ll rant about the embroidered motif articles. I admit I have some motif belts from J. Press. There’s nothing wrong with a nice anchor, American flag, nautical flag, or whale belt. But that’s where it should stop. And I make a point of wearing my belts under an un-tucked shirt. Like my nautical print boxers, only I know I’m wearing them. Let me be blunt here, and I know some will be hopping mad about this; embroidered motif pants on men are bad. You don’t look funny, preppy, or classic. You look like a raging fool.

As for women, classic is good. Grace Kelly, Babe Paley, Slim Aarons, C.Z. Guest classic is correct. As my mother has pointed out, the whale motif skirts, or strawberry motif wrap dresses, simply de-sexualizes a woman. And, yes, you also look like a raging fool.

So my advice is to stop the madness. I don’t care how hip you think the green whale print pants are. Moderation is good in eating and fashion. However, I must point out in fairness, that moderation and drinking is bad for a cocktail party.

I'm wearing my anchor belt today, hidden

nautical flag belts are good also

Perfectly good use of a motif

This only makes you look like you have Barbie parts, i.e. none

this is truly sad

these people have been blurred for their protection

when fashion kills. Someone needs to throw red paint on these people

You will be beaten up in these

whale motif shorts, no, no, no

I don't care if you're Irish, this is wrong

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Sigourney Weaver as Babe Paley in Infamous, another good suit choice

One of my least favorite things about living in Los Angeles is the problem of age inappropriate dressing. Last week I was at dinner at Jar (best filet in Los Angeles) and a table of young Hollywood starlet types was at a big table behind me. They all had the same light blonde, shoulder length hair, and tight short skirts. Now if you’ve seen Clueless you know what I mean when I say it was a real Monet moment. From the distance of the door everything looked good, but as I got closer to their table, whoa, it all fell apart. They were, in fact, not young starlets but older Hollywood wives who had visited the plastic surgeon far too often.

I have never considered doing a reality show. People are always telling me, “You and Noreen should have your own reality show. I bet it would be hilarious.” It wouldn’t be. It would be very dull moments of people working on their computers with occasional profane outbursts. I would like to do a reality show, though, where I help people who dress age inappropriately with makeovers. We would shop at Brooks Brothers, J. Press, Chanel, and other sensible brands.

Now don’t get caught up with this being “Preppy” or any other such nonsense. This is just plain good sense that would make the world a nicer place to live.

There are many benefits of growing older: you can yell at people, you sleep less, and you can wear certain clothing items previously inappropriate. These are some of my rules:

1.     Men may wear seersucker before the age of 12, or after 45. Between those ages makes one look foolish.

2.     Men may wear white bucks in the summer, or all year after age 45.

3.     Madras jackets work if a man is over 45, but younger people look like a horses ass in them.

4.     Men can wear bow ties over 45, unless you are a southern politician or Ivy League professor, in which case any age is appropriate.

5.     Ponytails are wrong, wrong, and wrong for anyone over 45.

6.     There is nothing wrong with a sensible bob haircut for women over 45.

7.     Skinny jeans are wrong for anyone, especially people over 45.

More specific rules are listed below. But the point is to stop the madness. When you see an elderly person on the street in tight jeans and a groovy t-shirt, stop them and ask if you can help them to the nearest age appropriate store. Unfortunately, I don’t think my reality show idea will work. As Terry Stone told me, “So you would take mature people and make them look old?” Uh, yeah.

Seersucker only before age 12, or after 45

Unless you’re Pat Boone, be cautious with white bucks

Madras jackets only after age 45

Bow ties if a southern Senator, Ivy League professor or over 45

What can be said?

I’m not a fan of monarchy, but this hat is appropriate.

Like John Adams, I am not a monarchist, but this outfit is good

This hat is good, also

Mrs. Bush and an acceptable suit and pearls

A crest on a blue blazer after 45, and only if it’s school or family, still dubious

Classic Chanel suit, mid 1950s

If at the beach, Lily Pulitzer is OK

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Image from Take Ivy, 1965

Today it finally warmed up. It’s been awhile since the temperature was in the mid 80s, and it gave me the chance to break out the madras shirts. Some of you know how great this feels, others think I should be more adventurous, and others may be asking, “Just what is madras?” Madras is a soft and lightweight fabric with a plaid design. The fabric is named after Chennai, India (Madras under British rule). This is where madras was born as a fabric to breathe in the hot and humid Indian climate. Madras is not just a plaid pattern. It gets softer and fades with each wash. I can’t imagine wearing anything different when it’s warm.

I will draw the line at madras shorts and blazers. The blazer is fine if your 12, but adult men wearing them just look desperate. And the shorts are fine if you are under 25 and shop at Abercrombie. Otherwise, no, it looks dumb. Yes, I have many rules. It makes my life work. However, feel free to buy madras shirts, ties, or if you are female, dresses.

I have one problem that is my boxer shorts. This may be revealing, but I prefer plaid. Unfortunately, this makes changing in the gym problematic when I’m wearing a madras shirt. The combination of shirt and boxers gives the impression that I’m somehow obsessed or trying to match. When I throw in the madras handkerchiefs, I’m inclined to lean toward obsession. What kind of psycho would try and match all of his or her madras?

Madras shirt, Rogues Gallery

Madras shorts, Rogues Gallery, not OK over 12

Madras blazer, not OK if over 12

Madras shirt, J Crew

Madras handkerchiefs, sadly hard to find

From Take Ivy, 1965

My closet

my underwear drawer; don't say we're not revealing here

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There's no such thing as too much madras

Many of you have written or called and asked me, “Sean, how do you stay trapped in 1962? Where do you find those clothes?” or “Sean, I’d be more than happy to take you shopping, I’m sure I could help you be more up to date.” The answer is that it’s not easy to stay trapped in 1962. The clothes I buy come in and out of fashion every 20-25 years. So I’m quite hip for a few months every two decades. Since the fashion industry insists on change, if I find an item I like, I buy several and store them. Some items such as Sperry Topsider canvas sneakers have never been out of production, thankfully. The secret is J. Press. They have the same ethos about change (it’s bad) that I do. J. Press is in Cambridge, New Haven, Manhattan, and Washington D.C. and is exactly the right place to find madras shirts and handkerchiefs, whale or anchor motif belts, and good school color repp ties. Of course, I have other sources for non-groovy 1962-wear. But the best advice I can give is to buy multiples. It’s possible that the next time you go to buy classic khakis, they will have been replaced with a cut that some might call “European.”

This is how hanging out on campus should be

J. Press catalogue 1962

Good ties, but you need to order through the time machine

American Graffiti, Ron Howard, good fashion tips

You never know when someone may say, "Sailing?"

Notice how well groomed and neat these students are

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