The most beautiful wrapping paper ever designed, 1968

I’m sure everyone has different holiday gift traditions. Whether it’s Christmas or Chanukah, gifts are wrapped, and as they are opened, we watch for expressions of happiness. In our house, everyone patiently took turns unwrapping a gift. This was followed by any of the following statements, “It’s perfect. Thank you so much,” or “You have such a talent for finding the exact right thing,” or “Of course this multi-colored sweater is what the other boys are wearing. Thank you.” I once went to a friend’s house when they opened gifts and it was a mad free-for-all. After our civilized and polite Christmas mornings, this was like anarchy. If you’ve seen those old silent movies about ancient Rome with the orgies, then you know what I mean.

We’re also careful about unwrapping. I haven’t solved the problem of asking someone outside of the family to be more careful, and give me back the wrapping paper. It’s not about being cheap; it’s about the paper. Here is the issue: if I buy ugly new paper, I don’t care if it’s destroyed. But my friends and family deserve the good stuff, the vintage paper. So I am doomed to watch in terror with a frozen smile as a child tears through the delicate paisley paper from 1968.

The happy village paper, 1950s

Another favorite from 1967

Fancy ornaments, 1964

Scary Santa, multiple personality disorder

a clever idea for gift cards; cut apart used Christmas cards

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The seafoam christmas tree option

Traditionally, we’ve always put a tree up right after Thanksgiving. This year, I need to buy a new one. The previous tree was white and had yellowed to a urine tone. In the past, I was forced to buy either a “lifelike” traditional tree, or a white one. But if a tree is artificial, shouldn’t it look artificial? Isn’t that a tenet of modernism, truth in materials? Taking this argument to its logical conclusion, this points toward a colored Christmas tree.

Fortunately, today, companies like treetopia sell colored Christmas trees. If you want a pink tree, you are now not forced to buy just a sad two-foot Barbie tree. This is disturbing to guests, or to use in the office, unless you have a young daughter. Like a visitor from the Soviet Union walking into a supermarket for the first time, I’m overwhelmed by the choices. Pink, blue, orange, or seafoam: which color is best? With the magic of Photoshop, I simulated the tree in its environment. I’ve found this to be a good tool for picturing possible furniture, landscaping, and hair color. Some of you are probably screaming at your monitor, “No you idiot! None of the above! Bad taste! Bad taste!” But I counter with my adherence to modernist theory.

The pink christmas tree option

The seafoam christmas tree option

The orange christmas tree option

The blue christmas tree option

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Often I get frustrated when things don’t get done. It drives me nuts when a student has a week to do 20 concepts and comes in with 10, or when I ask if we’ve completed a task in the office and I’m met with whistling. It’s been pointed out to me that I’m a little manic. I don’t do well sitting still. I think sleep is remarkably unproductive. If something needs to be done, there’s no time like the present. I get this from my grandmother (of MJB peacock fame). I never saw her rest. Even weeks before she passed away, she would try to get up and make me soup. It’s from her that I think relaxing is lazy, lazy, lazy.

Over the years, my grandmother made things. Some of the objects like the birdhouses from 7-Up bottles were questionable. Most, however, are works of art. She made hundreds of Christmas items to be sold at the church bizarre, or Shriner’s craft sale. We forbid her from selling her ornaments. They took hours to create, and she designed each one from scratch. Most families begin the arguing after a death when it’s time to divide funds or real estate. That came easily. The ornament division, though, was tense and took all of our patience. Some may discount the ornaments as “bored house-wife crafts.” To me, they are beautiful and intricate artifacts made with love.

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Deer Crest, Grant, 1960 Collection of Holiday Cards

To prove that we are seasonally or regionally promiscuous, today we’re talking about Christmas across the nation. Several years ago, our good friend Jan Fleming gave us a wonderful catalogue of holiday cards. The Deer Crest collection for 1960 describes the cards as having “the magic touch of truly cognitive artists.” I guess this means they weren’t brain dead or operating at a purely physical or unemotional place. If that were the case, perhaps they would be white cards with black Helvetica type that says plainly, “Holiday”. Oh wait, I think I saw those at Crate and Barrel. The cover of the catalogue is remarkable. There are many wonderful cards in here, some very sappy, and others religious. My favorites include the demon Santa in the Jack-in-the-box. Why? What does it mean? Is the falling key metaphorical? I covet the yellow, green, and pink Christmas trees on the Santa sprinkle card. I’ve always wanted a seafoam colored tree, but the world is in a “good taste” phase, so I’ll need to wait until everyone is comfortable and begins to love the garish again.

The demon-in-the-box Santa

Santa sprinkle with garish and wonderful trees

This is titled "Canopied Clatter-Trap"

The street with glitter trees

For our type lovers

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